Harry's 1st Birthday - A Photo Recap

Wee little "Harry Barry Boo" turned 1 last Thursday!  I know us moms always say it, but where did that first year go?!  It really flew by this year.  In case you missed it, I wrote him a little birthday letter.  

On to the birthday celebration...

Harry's smash cake
Gotta love a Sesame Street cake for a 1-year-old

Waiting to sing "Happy Birthday" 

Protective big sis holding Harry's hands back from the flames

Blowing out the candle with a little help

Philip cut out small pieces of the cake for Jane and Walt.
Harry was happy to share!

"My hair was needing some frosting, too!"

Flirty, mischievous smirk

Monty volunteered his cleaning services

After a little intermission for Harry's bath, we opened his birthday present--a toddler tool bench!

Jane and Walt gladly showed Harry how it worked.
Meanwhile, Harry demonstrated his new trick--standing up by himself.  Big boy!

Unfortunately for Walt, Harry's still working on his balance and likes to catch himself on whatever (or whomever!) is nearby.

Love you, Harry Barry Boo!
Happy 1st Birthday, sweetie pie!

GREAT News Update On Team Baby Teixeira

Remember when my brave friend, Amanda Teixeira, talked about her and her husband's struggle with infertility?  Then, remember how I told you that they were starting the adoption process?

GREAT NEWS!  

A couple chose Amanda and Jonathan to be the adoptive parents of their precious baby!  YAAAAAAAAAY!!!  The baby is due in November 2014.  Talk about a time of Thanksgiving!  Thank you so much for your prayers for our dear friends!

From TRUEGOODANDBEAUTIFUL, photo credit to Alzbeta Volk of Voboril Photography

I am so proud of Amanda and Jonathan for trusting in God's perfect timing when many of us may have turned in on ourselves, become bitter, or lost faith.  They are a beautiful example to all of us of what trust, strength, and faith look like while shouldering a cross and making sense of God's will.  

Please continue to lift up your prayers for Amanda and Jonathan as they complete their home study and move on toward Baby Teixeira's due date.  Pray for Baby Teixeira's biological parents as the journey continues.  Pray that God's will be done and that the rest of us can help in whatever way we can along the way.  

If you are in a position to help Amanda and Jonathan with your treasure, please consider doing so!  As many of you know, adoption often comes with a hefty price tag.  I told Amanda the other day on the phone that I'm so glad they're asking for financial help from others.  It's a powerful, tangible way for the Body of Christ to lift them up and help bring Baby Teixeira home.  I thanked her for letting the rest of us have a real way to help during this blessed time.  If you're interested in helping them financially, please consider donating to their puzzle fundraiser.  As of their August 15th blog post, here's what the puzzle looks like:

Photo from TRUEGOODANDBEAUTIFUL

You can purchase a piece of the puzzle for a donation of $25 (or more!), and Amanda and Jonathan will write your name on the back.  The completed puzzle will go between two pieces of glass and hang in Baby Teixeira's room.  Here's what the completed puzzle looks like:

From TRUEGOODANDBEAUTIFUL, photo credit to Alzbeta Volk of Voboril Photography

In 8 days, they hope to be at their goal of having raised $13,000 toward their home study and out-of-state agency fee.  I know many of you have already joined Team Baby Teixeira.  Thank you for your support!  Keep those prayers coming, and I will send along updates as they come.  

In the meantime, follow along on the journey via Amanda and Jonathan's blog, truegoodandbeautiful.  Leave a comment, and let them know that you're lifting them up in prayer!

Happy 1st Birthday, Harry!

Harold Fulton Boucher,

Your baptism day

I am overwhelmed with gratitude for your precious life today.  If I sit and let myself be quiet, I immediately tear up thinking about how you came to be.  Had our pregnancy with your big sister, Thérése, gone to term, you never would have been.  Two weeks after your sister went to be with God, God sent you to be with us.  The whole experience taught us that all of you babies are on loan, and it's Daddy's and my job to help lead you back to God.  Blessed be God for sending you when we least expected you and most needed you! 

Snuggles in the hospital

In one word, you are happy.  You are a serious flirt and give out smiles 'round the clock.  

Your first smile, captured on film at a few weeks old

You've had two ear infections this first year, and they both happened to coincide with teething, but your pediatrician dad and I nearly missed them because you are always so, so happy!

You love being a baby brother and being spoiled by Jane and Walt.  You crawl alongside them in the family room (or wherever we are) to see what they're up to and how you can join in.  You "talk" with them in your jibber jabber, and they talk right back with you.  

After meeting you, Jane decided she wants to have five babies because you're so sweet!  She loves being a little mama with you.  Lately, she pretends that she's talking for you in a little voice.  "I want a bottle, Mommy!  I'm hungry!  Where's my binkie?!"  Jane could spend her whole day tickling you and playing next to you with her dollhouse. 

When I asked Jane to give you a few Cheerio's while I made dinner 

Pushing you at the park this morning

Walt's affection for you has slowly grown into a full-fledged love affair.  

Cuddles on the couch while Jane is at preschool

Walt wasn't thrilled when you started trying to take apart the train table or crawling off with his engines, but he's learned a little trick.  When he sees you coming for his toys, he grabs you a stuffie or toy he's not playing with.  He loves having you around so long as he isn't trying to play with whatever you're playing with at the moment.  In fact, Walt is getting his big boy furniture next week.  He told me this morning that it would be fun to have a bunk bed "so that I can have a room with Harry.  Harry can be on the top bunk."  We'll definitely be waiting on the bunk bed set-up for a few years, but Walt's right that he'd be on the bottom since he's so cautious, and you'd be on top since you're my little daredevil!

You are growing and changing so much lately!  You can't get enough of food--especially watermelon and all of the fun summer fruits.  I know you're going to love your birthday cake tonight!  You are *this* close to walking.  You cruise around the family room furniture, but you've become such an efficient crawler that you're more interested in getting where you want to go quickly.  I'm kinda sad you do the normal version of crawling these days instead of your crazy worm move!  It was always the talk of the town on play dates or at the St. Joe's playground.  



Your favorite pastime is crawling away from me as quickly as you can and turning back to make sure I'm chasing you.

Thank you for bringing our family so much joy this past year.  Thank you for healing our hearts while we were grieving for your sister, Thérése.  How lucky are we to have a saint in heaven and you?!  I know you and Thérése will always have a special connection.  She has already proven a powerful intercessor for our family, and I'm sure you'll be calling on her throughout your life.  

I look forward to watching you learn and grow this year.  In your first year, you've taught me how to be at peace, how to trust in God's perfect timing, and to be thankful for the graces to shoulder crosses when they come.  I thank God for the gift that you are for our family, and I'm so glad that He entrusted you to us.  God knows well the plans He has for you, and I know they are big plans for good, sweetie pie! 

Love you so much,
Mama 

You Got it Wrong This Time, Matt Walsh

Matt Walsh,

Usually, I love your stuff.  It's refreshing reading your against the grain, unapologetic Christian view.  But today, you got it wrong when you wrote, "Robin Williams didn't die from a disease, he died from his choice."  I hope you'll pray about what this and respond because your column is a scandal to Christianity.    

You wrote:

First, suicide does not claim anyone against their will. No matter how depressed you are, you never have to make that choice. That choice. Whether you call depression a disease or not, please don’t make the mistake of saying that someone who commits suicide “died from depression.” No, he died from his choice. He died by his own hand. Depression will not appear on the autopsy report, because it can’t kill you on its own. It needs you to pull the trigger, take the pills, or hang the rope. To act like death by suicide is exactly analogous to death by malaria or heart failure is to steal hope from the suicidal person. We think we are comforting him, but in fact we are convincing him that he is powerless. We are giving him a way out, an excuse. Sometimes that’s all he needs — the last straw.

Depression ends up killing because the person sees no other choice than suicide.  Of course, suicide requires that the person chooses to "pull the strigger, take the pills, or hang the rope," but have you stopped to consider whether the choice to commit suicide is a free one or not?  

In the Catholic Church, we have the distinction between venial and mortal sins.  (For the full explanation, check out Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraphs 1854-1864.)  Suicide would fall into the category of a mortal sin.  Yet, in paragraph 1857 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, we learn,

"For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must together be met: 'Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter and which is also committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent.'"

When it comes to suicide, the Church understands that the suffering person may not be freely making that choice to end their life.  While suicide itself is considered a mortal sin, the culpability of the individual is known only to God.*  Edit:  A reader helped me to tweak the theology here.  The action of suicide itself is not a mortal sin.  If suicide is coupled with full knowledge and full consent, then it becomes a mortal sin.  

"Grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, suffering, or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide.  We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. The Church prays for persons who have taken their own lives."  - Catechism of the Catholic Church, Paragraph 2282-2283 

So, we pray for Robin Williams' soul, we pray for the souls of those who have committed suicide, we pray for those suffering from depression, we pray for a greater understanding of the disease, we pray for effective treatments, we pray for those who work to heal the afflicted (physically, emotionally, spiritually), and we pray for those mourning their loved ones.  We pray that the loving, merciful God who brought all of us into existence will bring us back to Himself.    

Instead of condemning the suffering for choosing suicide, let's start figuring out how we can help the suffering to see that life is always the better choice.  Let's unburden them by helping to carry their crosses alongside them.  It's time for those of us not suffering from depression to stop being indifferent and to start reaching out.

"What's wrong with death, sir?  What are we so mortally afraid of?  Why can't we treat death with a certain amount of humanity and dignity, and decency, and God forbid, maybe even humor.  Death is not the enemy, gentlemen.  If we're going to fight a disease, let's fight one of the most terrible diseases of all--indifference."  - Robin Williams as "Hunter Patch Adams"

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them.  May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.

PMS-ing and "Safe Friends"

THANK YOU!  In my last post, I asked again for your prayers and your prayer intentions.  THANK YOU for your prayers and for asking for mine.  I'm feeling more patient with the kids, and the little changes I wrote about last time are making a big difference.  God's teaching this little complainer how to stop wasting whatever big or little suffering comes my way through offering it up.  I am so grateful for those of you who have asked me to pray for specific intentions.  It is so helpful to have a tangible list of prayer requests a few feet away when I'm tempted to throw in the towel on the day or have a pity party.  It helps to put my suffering to work and weave prayer throughout the day.  I'm sure some of you are laughing at this post, thinking about my not-so-big suffering and my "first-world problems."  That's okay because I know it is pretty ridiculous.  Yet, God's meeting me where I am, and I'm making itty bitty little baby steps toward trying to be more saintly with your help.  In theory, it'll be my training to be ready whenever the big stuff comes.  So, thank you for sharing your prayer intentions.  

Onto the point of this post:  Can we just admit that it's tough to feel like a good mom to young children when you're PMS-ing?  I've been keeping track of when my moods are wacka-wacka-wacka in relation to where I am in my cycle.  I learned that PMS is the real deal during our marriage prep Creighton Model classes, but I never sought help.  Perhaps a lil progesterone therapy will be in my future for PMS!  

Knowing that I'd be PMS-ing this week, I knew I'd need all of the extra help I could get in the prayer department.  Additionally, I thought it'd be smart to pick up the phone and set up a few playdates with "safe friends." 

What's a "safe friend," you ask?  Well, a safe friend is a friend you can call up at anytime to say, "I think I'm going crazy over here.  We need a playdate so that I don't do something I'm going to regret."  It seems to be a Law of Motherhood that when you and your children shouldn't be seen in public that you need to get out the most.  The times when I want to leave the house the least are the times when I need a safe friend.  A safe friend will take the call, hear your plea to get together, and make it happen.  

Safe friends bring new energy to the day, diffuse the craziness, remind you to keep fighting the good fight, and cheerlead you on to bedtime.  You'll leave a safe friend playdate feeling like a good mom--even if your kid has an epic temper tantrum or you start PMS crying.  Safe friends get that motherhood isn't always perfect or pretty, and they're there with you through the teething, potty training, and hormone roller coasters.  They know that we love our job but that sometimes we need some reinforcements.  

Safe friends make you glad you asked for a playdate so that even when the good, the bad, and the ugly are on display, you're not fearing that she's thinking, "There's a whole bunch of crazy happening over here, and I am never coming back."  When it's a perfect storm day of craziness and you're just trying to make it to bedtime, it's oh so glorious to have an unfazed firsthand witness to your life sincerely tell you that you're doing a good job.  Inevitably, I can lift her up next week when she asks me to talk her down because of her 3-year-old's penchant for whining.  Safe friends return the favor that way.    

Do you have safe friends?  How do you help each other out?  What happens when a playdate can't happen?  How have you been a safe friend?  

Asking for Prayers and Taking all Intentions

Do you love Monday mornings like I do?  I love the fresh start--mostly because I usually (99.9% of the time) feel like I need the fresh start.

This Monday morning, I'm asking for your prayers for patience with the kids and a reminder of the significance of this vocation.  I need to stop yelling.  I need to go across the room, get down on the kids' level, and make eye contact when I'm making requests.  I need to enlist them to help more--both because they like to help and because they need to learn these skills as they go.  I need to remain patient as they learn their new skills.  I need to remember that they are acting appropriate for their age.  When they are not acting appropriate for their age, I need to discipline effectively.  I need to intervene ASAP and be consistent.  I need to help them work through their emotions.  I need to take deep breaths before I discipline or swoop in when they're needing an intervention.  I need to have more "time-ins" of quality time than "time-outs."  I need to remember that they are my vocation and not an obstacle to accomplishing it.    

In trying to do all of this, I appreciate your prayers, but I need one more favor:  Can you please let me pray for you?  Can you please share your intentions with me?  In my last post, I wrote about how I'm keeping a journal full of intentions.  When I'm tempted to do all of the things I'm trying to avoid (yelling, nagging, going it alone with the chores, etc.), I want to have a list of prayer intentions to turn to.  As I go about my day, knowing that I have a mission to unite whatever little things I'm struggling with to the cross for the sake of your prayer intentions will give me the drive and motivation to:

1. be a better mama
2. put suffering (big and small) to work for good

Can we start this week off right together?  Can I pray for you, and can you please (please, please, please???) pray for me?

When I'm Dying, Please Do This

I've become a Father John Riccardo podcast junkie.  I'm still processing his podcast on the sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick.  I learned some great insights into the sacrament itself.  More importantly, Father Riccardo reminded me of the tremendous dignity the suffering and dying have.  We all should listen to the show, but those of us who are either dying ourselves or know someone on their deathbed need to hear these words.  (Click this link to access the podcast.)  Reject what the world says about the dying, and remind them of their invaluable mission:

"One of the key words in the Christian life is to 'participate' or to 'cooperate with.'  There's one redeemer.  His name is Jesus, and yet He wants you and me to participate with Him in the work of redemption.  We do that in a particular way when we suffer.  That's why I'm of the opinion that no one's prayers are more powerful than the prayers of somebody who suffers, because they're being conformed to Christ.   

So, when you take Communion to the homebound or to the people in nursing homes, don't just bring them the Eucharist.  Bring them intentions.  Let them know, because the challenge when you're sick, especially when you're dying, is that you're useless. 

You know, like, 'The people out there are having all the fun.  They have a quality of life.  I'm lying here in my bed in traction.  What good am I?'   

'Well, here's what good you are.  You're participating with the Lord in the work of redeeming the human race.  You are not wasting away here.  He is inviting you to share in his cross.  Is it romantic?  No.  Is it fun?  No.  Will you see the payoff of it here?  No, at least probably not.  But one day you'll see it.' 

And, so, give them intentions.  Give them names of people.  Just say, 'You know what, I want to ask you, because I really do think that your prayers are so significant because you're sharing right now in his passion.  If you would pray for these people, would you please do that?' 

And almost all the time, you will see somebody sit like this (sitting up).  You're not simply giving them something to do; you're giving them a sense of worth.  You'll see them begin to stand up or sit back.  Well, now there's a sense of dignity.   

'Now the Lord can use me.  He's not done with me.'   

'Why am I lying here still?  Why hasn't He taken me?' 

'Well, he hasn't taken you because he's using you to work with him in redeeming the world, that's why!  Would it be great to be home?  Sure, it would, but there's more to do still.  So, hang in, and pray for these people (on the list that you give them).'"  

When I'm dying, please do what Fr. Riccardo says.  First, please bring a priest.  Ask that I receive Anointing of the Sick.  Then, be bullheaded and don't let me waste an ounce of my suffering.  Bring me long lists of intentions.  Tell me to unite any of my suffering to Jesus' cross.  Remind me of the important job I have to do.   

"Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I complete what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is the Church." (Colossians 1:24)

What's lacking in His suffering?  Well, nothing.  "It is finished." (John 19:30)  

Yet, He mystically invites us to participate in his suffering so that we can help redeem the world.  He'll do the redeeming since he's the only redeemer, but my membership in the Body of Christ gives me dignity and a mission.  Even on my death bed, I will have the supreme dignity of being made in His image and likeness.  Until I breathe my last, I will have a mission to unite any sufferings I have to the cross to help redeem the world.  

When I need an example of someone who knew how to suffer well, bring me these images of St. John Paul II:

      
Better yet, don't wait until I'm on my death bed to do all of that.  As Fr. Riccardo said in the podcast, "we're all terminal" from the moment we're born.  Teach me how to get into the practice of doing all of this before I'm at death's door.  No more wasting the bad days.  Remind me how to "offer it up."  If you think I need it, remind me that Anointing of the Sick isn't just for the dying.  God willing, with your help, I'll be spiritually fit enough to die a holy death whenever that time comes.  

For now, to help me train toward that goal, I'm keeping a list of intentions.  I'm going to add to it whenever someone asks me to pray for them.  Then, when I'm having pity parties or feeling overwhelmed with whatever suffering (big or small) that's going on, I'll open up my intentions list.  It won't end the suffering, but it'll give it purpose.  With enough practice, I pray that I'll remember when I'm 'just' getting chemo, lying in a hospital bed, sitting in a nursing home, or entering my last days of hospice care to give my suffering purpose.  By God's grace (and the bullheaded reminders of my loved ones), any suffering I experience will be put to work.  

Will you please help me to start my training?  Please share any intentions you have!  Then, if you hear me complaining or having a pity party about something, you have my permission to say, "Catherine, put your list to work!"