The Cross of Infertility With Amanda Teixeira (Part 1 of 4)

Part 1 of The Cross of Infertility

Introducing The Series & My Dear Friend, Amanda

Amanda & her husband, Jonathan

I imagine we all know someone suffering with the cross of infertility in their marriage.  My longtime dear friend, Amanda Teixeira, recently decided to write about the cross of infertility on her blog, TRUEGOODANDBEAUTIFUL.  I am so proud of Amanda for opening up about their challenges and for showing the rest of us how to carry a cross gracefully.  

After I read Amanda's blog, I felt God putting it on my heart to ask her if she might be willing to share a little more.  I reached out and asked Amanda if she would be willing to do a 4-part series on the cross of infertility.  Selfishly, I wanted to do this series so that I could learn how to be a better support for my loved ones who have experienced, are experiencing, or will experience infertility.  Who knows, maybe down the road Philip and I will join the couples experiencing secondary infertility.  

I told Amanda that I experienced a lot of awkwardness after we miscarried Thérése.  Our loved ones sometimes just didn't know what to do or say, and some people stayed away for fear of doing or saying the wrong thing.  I imagined people suffering anything, including infertility, experience the same awkwardness.  

Amanda and I decided we'd do an e-mail interview to discuss the questions most people aren't asking their friends facing infertility.  We want this to be an opportunity to bless both those facing infertility and the people who love them.  We want this series to be a source of blessing for the infertile couples needing a microphone and their loved ones that don't know what to say or do.  

Here's a road map of what our 4-part series on infertility will look like:

1. Introducing the series and Amanda (& Jonathan!)
2. Understanding how infertility feels
3. What NOT to do when your loved one is facing infertility
4. How to encourage and lift up a couple facing infertility.  Encouragement and resources from Amanda.

From here on out, my questions will be in red italics, and Amanda's responses will be in regular type.  

Please introduce yourself!  Give our readers the beautiful abridged history of your relationship with Jonathan up to present day.  Give us the good stuff--how you met, dating, engagement, marriage, what you two have done and are doing for a living, hobbies, interests, etc.  

Hello! We are Jonathan and Amanda Teixeira. We are both missionaries with FOCUS - Fellowship of Catholic University Students. Amanda hails from Nebraska, and Jonathan grew up in Pennsylvania. Currently, we reside in Denver, Colorado as we tackle different projects with FOCUS out of the Support Center. We are opposite in personalities and like to joke that Amanda “makes our life happen” and Jonathan “makes our life fun.” For as different  as we are in temperament, we have many similar interests - Jesus and His Church, outdoor adventures, watching great movies, learning to cook, playing with animals, traveling, reading, all things Dave Ramsey, and all sorts of games.

Before diving into the main topic of this blog series, here is a brief introduction to our Love Story!

Jonathan and I met during the summer of 2008 at our first FOCUS New Staff Training in Belmont Abbey, North Carolina. We were fresh college graduates filled with zeal, excitement, and fear as we entered into missionary life. My very first impression of Jonathan was that he looked sketchy. His hair was longer than mine...down to his elbows to be exact. Immediately he was filed into the “friend” category. My second impression was while walking to our first fundraising class. I came prepared and ready to get. to. work. I was serious about this...aka seriously stressed out. As I am marching along to class, here came Jonathan...blaring  “Money, Money, Money” from his laptop propped on his shoulder like a boom-box as he danced down the sidewalk. At that moment I was certain he was a complete goof-off who couldn’t take things seriously.

Despite the first impressions, Jonathan and I got to know one another through various FOCUS interactions over the years. He was always good for a laugh and some pleasant conversation, and that was the extent of our interactions, mostly in group settings.

Our 3rd year on staff we both ended up serving in leadership at FOCUS New Staff Training. Here, in a smaller group of people, we were able to have more one-on-one conversations. I overheard him praying to the Blessed Mother one evening, and that sealed my interest! His interest came after we saw a lightning bolt in the sky one night and both screamed at that same time about how cool it was. Over the next couple weeks we both kept trying to join activities the other was participating in. I jumped into a soccer game he happened to be going to. He jumped into a rafting excursion I was going on. Finally, one evening Jonathan walked up and requested we go to ice cream together...just us...later that evening. I said “sure” and Jonathan proceeded to high five me and run away. I ate the fastest dinner of my life so I could go upstairs, celebrate with my roommates, and have them help me get prettied up.

We went out on ice cream that night and talked for hours. The following weeks were filled with late-night walks, dancing on rooftops, getting caught in the rain, random adventures, and hours of energetic conversations. By the end of June, we decided to officially start dating. He was going to live in NYC, and I was living in Champaign, IL but we wanted to give it a chance.

We spent that year trading off visiting one another on a monthly basis. Dating in NYC was a blast! We saw shows, had the most random encounters with people, drank wonderful coffee, ran on the Highline, and visited dozens of beautiful Churches. In Champaign, we had good ole Midwestern fun with great people. We drank beers on rooftops, ate amazing Chicago deep dish pizza, and played in the snow. We visited one another’s families in Nebraska and Pennsylvania. We fell in love that year and on April 21, 2011 we got engaged.

Photo from Amanda & Jonathan's engagement photo shoot

Our engagement was 6 months and seriously a whirlwind. We entered a wedding contest with WOWT Channel 6 in Omaha, NE. There isn’t time to go into the craziness of that contest but it was a WILD RIDE.. When all was said and done, we won the dang thing, thanks to amazing friends and family! Again, we were at yet another FOCUS New Staff Training, and I spent my life in complete chaos that summer as I kept up with the schedule and planning a wedding long distance. We ended up having 2 weeks in Omaha to more or less plan EVERYTHING. It was the only 2 weeks I could actually plan the wedding in Omaha. God bless my mother for carrying a seriously heavy load of the wedding planning.

Jonathan moved to Champaign, IL and joined our FOCUS team at University of Illinois that Fall. A month before our wedding, the Alpha Phi House Mother at U of I went on a European vacation...so as Chapter Advisor I moved into the house to serve as the interim House Mother. As if I didn’t have enough on my plate! Then we found a townhouse to live in, but the move in date happened to be the same exact weekend Jonathan was a groomsman in another wedding that happened to be in California. So, I moved our stuff by myself. That month was a hot mess to say the least. On a highlight, we were consistently working out with Shaun T’s Insanity, so we looked really good and were in the best shape of our lives.

Finally, it was time to get hitched! We got to Omaha a few days prior to the wedding, and Jonathan locked himself in the basement building a kneeler for our wedding and spending 17 hours designing our wedding program. I ran around Omaha getting all the last minute details wrapped up and dealing with our SCAM ARTIST wedding dress lady. Another long story we don’t have time to delve into. On Saturday, October 22, 2011 we got married at Mary Our Queen Church in Omaha, NE. The day was rainy but it didn’t matter - our hearts were full and we were surrounded by 400 beloved family and friends.

Amanda & Jonathan's wedding day

The next morning we stupidly decided to fly out for our Honeymoon at 10am - which meant we needed to attend a 7am Mass in town. Don’t do this. Ever. The early flight thing, not the going to Mass on Sunday thing. Sleeeeeep in after your wedding. You will need it. We got on the flight, red-eyed and crazed with sleep deprivation accumulating from weeks on end but we were married by golly. We had our honeymoon in Cancun Mexico, and it was amazing. It was filled with stories that still make us laugh today and some seriously wild adventures since we were joined by a HURRICANE the night we landed, but again, we were married and that is all that mattered. We were committed to having a great time despite the circumstances. Little did we know what emotional hurricanes awaited us in the months to follow.

*     *     *

If THAT doesn't keep ya hooked, I don't know what will!

Tomorrow, I will share Part 2 of our 4-Part series on The Cross of Infertility.  Part 2 will help you to understand how infertility feels.  Amanda answers these questions:

• When did you start to think that infertility might be a possibility?
• What does it feel like as a woman to be told that you are infertile?  How do you think what you are feeling is different than what Jonathan is feeling?  
• How did your background in nursing and knowledge of NaPro Technology play in to your journey?
• Do you think there was a day when you accepted infertility as an official diagnosis?  How can a doctor come to an official diagnosis of infertility?  Is it still a day-to-day journey?
• I am convinced that the devil's #1 target is the family, and I am sure infertility puts major stress on a marriage.  How has infertility impacted your relationship with Jonathan?  How do you prevent infertility from defining your marriage?
• What were your conceptions of infertility before being in these shoes yourself?  Did anything change?  

Come back tomorrow to read Amanda's answers.  You won't want to miss it!

Duck Dynasty & Throwing the Baby Out With the Bath Water

The way I see it, the gist of the Duck Dynasty fiasco is this:  Phil Robertson, patriarch of a very successful family in Louisiana, recently gave an interview to GQ Magazine.  Some of his responses were very, uh, colorful.  His remarks on homosexuality (among other things) are getting a lot of press, especially in light of his indefinite suspension from production on his A&E show Duck Dynasty.

Here are my two cents:

Phil Robertson is a self-proclaimed born-again Christian.  He believes that the Bible is the inerrant Word of God.  The inerrant Word of God (compiled as the Bible) teaches that homosexual acts are sinful.  (Notice how I underlined the word acts?)  Therefore, as a Christian, Phil Robertson believes that homosexual acts are sinful.  He said so very coarsely in his interview.

He sure didn't say it how I would have.  He sure didn't say it how Pope Francis did.  Yet, they both said the same thing.  They preached the same message that it's the mission of the Christian to condemn the sin (homosexual acts) and love the sinner.  The content of their messages is the same, but one is Time Magazine's person of the year, and the other is being crucified in the public square.  As Brandon Ambrosino's article in Time says, "The 'Duck Dynasty' Fiasco Says More About Our Bigotry Than Phil's."  

This isn't a first amendment issue.  As a Christian, I'm not up in arms over the issue of free speech.  Phil Robertson can (and likely will) continue saying whatever he chooses.  However, he can't say whatever he chooses without consequence so long as he's in contract with a kowtowing network. 

The biggest issue in my eyes is that our culture's knee-jerk response to these scenarios is to throw the baby out with the bath water.  Remember Paula Deen?  We couldn't handle what she said, so we made her go away.  It looks like Phil is experiencing the same fate.  I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I agree with Bill Maher's assessment of the Paula Deen fiasco, and I see history repeating itself with Phil Robertson.  Bill Maher is quoted in the above Brandon Ambrosino article as saying, "Do we always have to make people go away?"  It seems we're incapable of doing anything else.  

Our culture is incapable of actually engaging the issues.  Rather than take Phil to task on the claims that he made, they are putting Phil away.  Instead of discussing what the Bible and the Church teach on homosexuality, the answer is to reject everything that Phil stands for--including Jesus Christ.  

If that sounds like an exaggeration,  I'd point you to an article from the blog Rage Against the Minivan titled "Duck Dynasty, first amendment rights, and Christian values." It is all over my Facebook newsfeed.  The core message of the post is summed up in this image from the blog:

            
Because some people think Phil Robertson is a backwater know nothing hick who proclaims to be Christian, they are going to "have another look at the life of Jesus."  I don't think this second look means a thorough study of Scripture and the Church.  Instead, I think this means that Christ is being declared guilty by association with Phil Robertson.  Because Phil Robertson coarsely proclaimed that homosexual acts are sinful, some are rethinking this whole Jesus and Christianity thing.  Again, I repeat:  People are walking away from God because of something one man said.  

We need to get something straight.  Jesus is God.  The rest of us are sinners.  So long as sinners make up the Body of Christ, Christ is gonna have some ugly cleaning up to do.  We're all imperfect, and we're going to keep imperfectly representing Christ and His Church.   That GQ interview is creating some ugly clean-up, but  Phil Robertson was right on the money when he called sin sin.  Period.  He was also right on the money when he said this:

“We never, ever judge someone on who’s going to heaven, hell. That’s the Almighty’s job. We just love ’em, give ’em the good news about Jesus—whether they’re homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort ’em out later, you see what I’m saying?”  

Phil knows it's not his job to do the judging.  Pope Francis knows it's not his job to judge either.  They just said it differently.  Like Pope Francis?  You'll love Jesus.  Love Jesus?  If Jesus had it His way, we'd learn to love Phil--even if we don't like him.  If we're Christian, we're not going to abandon Christ and His Teaching because of the way one of his disciples articulated his beliefs.  I don't particularly like the way Phil Robertson talked about homosexuality or blacks in his GQ interview, but that doesn't mean I'm going to abandon Christ or try to throw Phil away.  

Let's talk about that whole judging business, too.  We can talk about actions as being morally bad, good, or neutral.  That's not judging.  What we can't judge is where another person is going to spend their eternity.  All we can do is learn everything we can about what Christ and His Church teaches, and then do our best to actually do it.  We have to know what's good, bad, or neutral in order to learn how we ought to live our lives.  

The trouble is, our country likes to divorce individuals from their religious beliefs.  Freedom of Religion has been reduced to Freedom of Worship.  We can do whatever we like within the four walls of our worship spaces, but we better not act like a Christian in the public square if we don't want any trouble.   

While I admire Phil Robertson for being unapologetic in his Christian beliefs, the reality is that much of our country won't embrace his abrasive delivery.  Phil's Christian brothers and sisters need to recognize this problem and help him to understand why his words were hurtful to those with same sex attraction.  Christians always need to share Truth in love.  Without love, sharing the Gospel is fruitless.  

If Christianity teaches that homosexual acts are sinful (and it does), then the problem wasn't Phil's core message.  The problem was his delivery.  We don't need to make Christ's message palatable to the world, but we need to find a way to get the world to hear it.  Pope Francis is catching more flies with honey than his predecessors, and Phil Robertson should take notice.  Pope Francis isn't changing anything in the Teaching of the Catholic Church; he's just tweaking the delivery so that the world will hear it.  

The trouble with the dictatorship of relativism is that the people that buy in walk around like individual tyrants.  "Everyone is right until they disagree with me."  The solution to opposition is to keep "throwing away" people like Phil Robertson for articulating something other than the belief de jour.  The choices seem to be: jump on the bandwagon or persist in silence.  I'd like to propose a third way: engage the world with Love and share Truth whenever possible, following in the footsteps of Pope Francis.  The world might still try to throw you away, but at least they'll be more likely to hear you when you lead with love.  There is always Love in Truth.  

Jesus wasn't interested in making His Word palatable.  (Remember the whole table-turning scene in the Temple?)  Yet, He led with love.  Heck, He is Love.  The world tried to throw Him away by crucifying Him, but Love prevailed, and Love continues to prevail more than 2000 years later.  

Christmas Mass and the Prodigal Son's Older Brother

You can find my monthly column over at CatholicMom today.  It's called "Christmas Mass and the Prodigal Son's Older Brother."  Head on over to check it out!  

The Prodigal Son, sketch by Rembrandt

December Happiness Project Resolutions

December 5th.

I am thinking about so many things today...I'm feeling so scatterbrained.  

At this time last year, I had just seen this:

  
I took that test one month to the day after we lost Therese.  What a roller coaster ride of emotions!  Rather than revisit all of that, you can read what I wrote about the roller coaster last year.

Now, we have our perfectly healthy and happy Harold Fulton!  He is such a blessing to our family.

I was making dinner last night and asked Jane to grab a toy for Harry to hold.  What did she grab?  A Barbie with a missing leg.  

I thought I'd quickly dive in to our December resolutions.

December Happiness Project Resolutions

1. Say "no" so that you can say "yes"
2. Celebrate Advent and the 12 Days of Christmas

We're taking a month off from all the rest of the resolutions so that we can really do our first resolution this month:  say "no" so that you can say "yes."  There's a popular post going around by Lora Lynn Fanning called, "To The Mamas of Littles During the Holidays."    It's about how us mamas with little ones need to choose to do less this season.  Here's my favorite part:

If baking cookies and watching your kids sling sprinkles all over the kitchen is going to make you yell today? Then no. Don’t do it. Always choose the relationship with your kids over the Advent activity that makes you scream. Always choose the Simple over the Pinnable.

Listen, the only person who expects you to accomplish All The Things on that list? Is you. You must extend to yourself the grace that others are already extending in your direction.

Her article is the inspiration for our first resolution.  We are saying "no" whenever necessary this season so that we can say "yes" to resolution #2: celebrate Advent and the 12 Days of Christmas.

We are slowly building the anticipation of Christmas this year.  Rather than get all of the decorations out the day after Thanksgiving, we are bringing them out little by little.  The only signs of Advent around our house are the Advent wreath and a few little decorations throughout the home.  There's still no Christmas tree and no lights on the house.  We are trying to emphasize to the kids (and ourselves!) that we will celebrate BIG TIME during the 12 Days of Christmas (the time spanning from Christmas to the Epiphany).  Until then, it's a time of prayer and preparation around these parts.  

Since we're doing our best to say "no," the blog will likely continue to be quieter than usual. 

"Adoration of the Shepherds" by Gerard van Honthorst, 1622

 Quiet is good.     

What a whirlwind of a week!

I'm feeling uninspired this Friday afternoon, so I thought I'd share picture highlights of the week. 

Raking leaves with Dad.  This picture epitomizes how the world must feel to a 2-year-old.  He's working soooooo hard with that little rake, and he feels like he's not making a dent.  

Jane in Philip's glasses.  I think it's a good look.

Just hangin' on the floor with the comforter and pillows while Mom and Dad make the bed.

Ahoy!

Fun with pons

Happy Harry

Matching Doc McStuffins characters.  We found this Doc McStuffins Tot Pack on  1Plus1Plus1Equals1.

Sorting poms and doodling while Mom makes dinner (Well...sorting is kind of a loose term...)

Janie, singing lullabies, and Harry, flirting right back.  Oh, that smile!

Harry's saying, "Come a little closer.  Let me grab your nose!"

"Jingle Bells!"  These cluster bells came in the mail the other day.  We're going to have every member of the family ring them when we get to the words, "REJOICE!  REJOICE!" in "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" while we're around the Advent Wreath.  I have a feeling the bells will be jingling more than that, but that's okay!  

Rapunzel in her Minnie Mouse sunglasses and post-nap hair in all its glory

Very exclusive Brother-Sister tea party in the princess tent.  "Do you want to meet Mr. Teapot?  Oh, I guess he's in the potty.  He'll be right back!"

More Doc McStuffins matching (see above for the link) 

Philip let me sleep in this morning while he got ready and kept the kids entertained.  When I woke up, I found this note on the kitchen counter.  He had "interviewed" the kids with the question, "What do you love about Mommy?" and recorded their responses.  What a guy!

We're looking forward to a weekend of family time since Philip has an entire weekend off!  Hip hip hooray!  Kindly forgive me if I ignore any form of communication from the outside world until Monday.  

Happiness Project: November Resolutions Progress Report

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, read about Our Happiness Project.

Here's Our November Happiness Project Resolutions Progress Report:

October Resolutions Update

1. Exercise
• We both completely fell off the bandwagon with this resolution.  I've been battling a sore throat for a few weeks, and Philip's work schedule has been crazy.  We're hoping to find a solution and get into a habit before the Christmas season is upon us.
2. Sleep
• We are in bed and almost always have the lights out by 10:30
3. Faith
• The nightly family decade of the Rosary & nighttime prayers around the dinner table is a well-established part of our routine

November Resolutions Update

1. Couple prayer time right when we go to bed

• We are reading Day by Day With the Catechism by Peter A. Giersch.  It's a great little book with a daily excerpt from the Catechism followed by a reflection.  This book has been a great way for us to get our feet wet with couple prayer time.  After Philip reads the daily excerpt and reflection, he leads us in impromptu prayer followed by a Hail Mary or Our Father.  I follow with some impromptu prayer of my own and close with a Hail Mary or Our Father (whichever one we didn't pray after Philip's prayer).  Having this dedicated prayer time together before bed is helping us to grow in intimacy and learn more about what is on each other's hearts.

2.  "You can do anything for 15 minutes."  Work for 15 minutes daily on these 4 things

• 1 Shutterfly album
• I've had a few technological difficulties in getting our 2012 photos back on to the computer, and I've spent most of my time so far just figuring out how to work the program.  I'm slowly making my way through our 2012 pictures.  I probably won't have the album ready to order by 11/30.
• Add & edit recipes to Paprika (recipe organizing app)
• I have all of my miscellaneous computer files on Paprika, and I'm halfway through my random Excel doc of recipes.  
• Return/Draft E-mails
• I'm learning to stop letting "the perfect be the enemy of the good."  My mentality used to be that I wouldn't bother writing an e-mail if it couldn't be a real update.  Now, I'm slooooooooowly learning that a quick check-in e-mail is better than nothing.  I love having little correspondence with faraway friends and my mother-in-law throughout the week.  Seeing their sweet notes in my inbox are such a pick-me-up.
• Decide one & prepare activity to do with the kids for the next day
• We have quite the arsenal of activities, and we've been having a great time!

3.  Do at least 1 of the following activities daily with the kids, and do each at least once a week:

• Craft
• baking
• library
• outing
• play date
• enrichment/homeschool-esque activity
• write letters

Zacchaeus craft (trace hand and arm on brown paper, glue to blue paper, make leaves with thumbprints, and glue Zacchaeus in the tree).  Walt abandoned this one to play with trains.

"M" is for Mouse.  Walt also abandoned this one!

Coloring

"1, 2, buckle my shoe..."  (I put the printables into a file here)

Playing dress-up on a play date.  Walt didn't want his photo taken while he was playing with (surprise!) trains.

We've only gone to the library once this month.  We delayed that trip since we had such great books still out on loan.  Now, we have 17 great books (most of them about numbers since that's what we're working on) that we read over and over and over again!  We have done plenty of crafts and homeschool-esque activities as well as outings and play dates, but we still need to write letters and do some baking.  Perhaps some cupcakes are in our future this afternoon.

4.  Family thankfulness

• It wasn't working to record what we were thankful for at dinner since that was such a chaotic time.  Instead, we've been recording what we're thankful for on looseleaf before our family prayer time, and I store the paper in our Family Prayer Binder.  We've missed a few nights, but having it right before family prayer time helps us to remember.

5.  Budget

• Hasn't happened yet and needs to before we start holiday shopping!

6.  Will

• Also hasn't happened yet

7.  Philip's Resolutions  (I'll rewrite them here, but I won't evaluate them for him.  If I had to guess, I think he'd say that it's been a wild month at work and that he hasn't done as well as he'd like, but he's made a great effort!)

• Eat four salads a week for lunch 
• Do 10 pediatrics boards questions a day
• Put away all electronics from dinnertime to kids' bedtime (for both of us)
• Read 1-2-3 Discipline book

Sum It Up

We've completely tanked on a few resolutions this month (exercise, budget, will, letter writing), but we've done pretty well on most ("you can do anything for 15 minutes," variety of activities with the kids), and even nearly mastered some (family prayer time, sleep by 10:30, couple prayer time, and family thankfulness).  

We are still enjoying our Happiness Project.  I think it is bringing more positive structure and purpose to our days since we are trying to reach all of our resolutions.  Even though it's been a rotten month in terms of Philip's wild work schedule, the month is flying by and has been relatively peaceful.  I attribute  that to our improved prayer life and our well-structured days.  Everyone is more well-rested, we are spending more quality time together without electronics, and I am choosing family time over housework.  

I am so grateful for my devoted husband who is working doggedly at my side to make these changes for the good!  Here's to a successful end of the month to our Happiness Project! 

What We Had for Dinner: Beef and Bean Chile Verde, Skinny Cilantro Lime Rice, & Clementines

I thought I'd share our easy weeknight dinner from last night.

We had Beef and Bean Chile Verde 

over skinny cilantro lime rice (you know, like that fabulous burrito joint makes?).

We always double the rice recipe to make equal amounts of the chile & rice.

Meal planning is much more fun with adventurous eaters.  Hooray for little ones that will actually eat this kind of stuff!

The kids' plates

The Feast of St. Nicholas is almost here, so you know these have to be back in season!  

Really, what is the Feast of St. Nicholas without a clementine (and some gold coins) in your shoe?  Anyway, we feasted on some clementines as well.

What's on the menu at your house tonight?