Instability

Across the country this morning, people read, heard, or watched coverage of the tragic Dark Knight Rises movie massacre in Aurora, Colorado.  As we process the news and learn more about the victims as well as the assailant, the same tropes of mass shootings pop up:  there's blame on gun access, similar venues amp up security for fear of copycats, there's blame on the venue itself for allowing this kind of thing to happen, those who know the assailant often say they never saw it coming, people are moved to create a memorial for the victims, people try to move on with their lives as best they can, and most people not linked to the story forget until the next "random" act of violence occurs.  

I propose that we place the blame on one thing: instability.  A blog post I read by Msgr. Charles Pope, A Reflection on the Benedictine Vow of Stability, started this thought in my head when I read it a week ago.  Now, in the face of the movie massacre, I find Msgr. Pope's words to be prophetic.  Hear me out...

Benedictine monks and religious sisters take the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience like most religious orders, and they add the fourth vow of stability.  Our Lady of the Mississippi Abbey, a monastery of Trappist nuns, sums up their vow of stability very eloquently:

We vow to remain all our life with our local community. We live together, pray together, work together, relax together. We give up the temptation to move from place to place in search of an ideal situation. Ultimately there is no escape from oneself, and the idea that things would be better someplace else is usually an illusion. And when interpersonal conflicts arise, we have a great incentive to work things out and restore peace. This means learning the practices of love: acknowledging one's own offensive behavior, giving up one's preferences, forgiving.

In other words, when the religious men and women take a vow to live, pray, work, and relax together forever, they are humbly submitting to being a part of the community.  There is no isolation.  When there is conflict, it is worked through quickly for the greater good of the community.  Living in such an intimate environment is an exercise in humility, as the individual's vices and temptations are more likely to be exposed.  There is no anonymity or ability to hide in the crowd.  

To most, this sounds like some kind of a terrible prison.  I propose that the men and women who humbly submit to a vow of stability are more liberated than most of us will ever be.  When they live in that kind of an environment, where their weaknesses and sins are on display for the community, there's incentive to change.  In such a tight-knit community, the ripple effect of personal sin is magnified.  When your anger, your greed, your pride, your other sin of the month is out in the open and everyone knows about it, there's no reason to hide it.  The logical person chooses to work through it and change.  The illogical person (that's most of us when we're trapped in a pattern of sin) chooses to persist in the sin.  It's the persistence of charitable neighbors affected by that sin who encourage the change--whether through prayer, word, or action.  What's more liberating than living in a stable environment where you learn to break free from the patterns that your sins keep you in?

The rest of us Americans living outside of the monastery walls are experiencing what Msgr. Pope calls a "pandemic" of instability.

Instability is pandemic in our culture and it has harmed our families, our communities, our parishes, and likely our nation. Almost no one stays anywhere for long. The idea of a “hometown” is more of an abstraction or a mere euphemism for the “town of one's birth.”       

When an individual creates a Facebook account, the user can choose to include his or her hometown (From) as well as their current city (Lives In).  More often than not, the two are not synonymous.  When meeting someone, a routine question is, "Where are you from?"  Now, people have to decide if this person is asking where they grew up or where they currently live.  Msgr. Pope observes this kind of instability within neighborhoods.

The layers of extended family that once existed were stripped away by the migration to the suburbs and the seeming desire to get as far apart from each other as possible. Old city neighborhoods that for generations nourished ethnic groups and identities emptied out, and now, most neighborhoods, cities or suburban, are filled with people who barely know each other and who seldom stay long in one place anyway. (emphasis mine)

People aren't staying in one place for very long, so the logic seems to be that there's no incentive to know your neighbor.  There's even less incentive to start a friendship with a neighbor and become emotionally intimate.  Why tell them my life story if they're going to move when they get a new job anyway?  Msgr. Pope argues that "the economy both feeds and reflects this instability."

Gone are the days when most people worked for the same company or even in the same career all their life. Accepting a new job or promotion often means moving to a new city....The American scene and culture has become largely ephemeral (i.e. passing and trendy).

Many young people who were given the promise of the American dream work through college to find that there are no jobs available for them after graduation.  Unfortunately, as Msgr. Pope says, the instability is not confined to the economy or the neighborhoods.  We "reinforce this attitude" of instability in our personal lives. 

1. Marriages – Spiritually everyone who enters into a marriage takes a vow of stability to be true and faithful to their spouse in good times and bad, in sickness and health, in riches or in poverty till death. And yet more than half of marriages fail to realize this vow. Many want their marriage to be ideal and if there is any ordeal, most want a new deal. And, frankly most who divorce and remarry  are the most likely to divorce again. As the Benedictine statement above says, Ultimately there is no escape from oneself, and the idea that things would be better someplace else is usually an illusion.

Growing up with divorced or single parents continues to increase with each generation, fueling the instability that children feel during their formative years. 


Msgr. Pope goes on to identify other areas of instability:

2. People do this with faith too, often moving from faith to faith, or at least from parish to parish in search of a more perfect experience of church. And while some are actually following a path deeper into and toward the truth, most who church-hop are looking for that illusive community where the sermons are all good, the people friendly, the moral teachings affirm them, and the liturgy perfectly executed according to their liking. It is a kind of “designer church” phenomenon. And yet again, the problem is often as much within as without: Ultimately there is no escape from oneself, and the idea that things would be better someplace else is usually an illusion. 

Instead of accepting God for who and what He is, we try to domesticate Him and mold him to our fleeting feelings.  The realization that He knows us more intimately than anyone else ever will causes people church hop so frequently.  It must be scary being so vulnerable to God and allowing Him to rule your faith when many are not used to living this intimately with anyone else.  Like Adam and Eve in Eden, becoming aware of our sin makes us want to hide from Him.  So, when confronted with the truth of our shortcomings, it's easier to seek out a church that affirms our choices rather than remain in one that encourages change. 


Msgr. Pope goes on to describe how the older practice of buying a home is out of fashion.  Instead of settling in one neighborhood for a lifetime, families treat homes as stepping stones as their careers advance and they are able to move into bigger homes in more affluent neighborhoods.  The focus is less on the relationships built in the neighborhoods and more on the physical surroundings.  

Msgr. Pope briefly mentions the practice of retirees leaving behind friends, family, faith communities, and all that is familiar to move south.

Why is this so popular,  and does it also bespeak a kind of great divorce where family and obligations to friends and communities are seem more as burdens and part of the work that one retires from?

Like a good Catholic priest, Msgr. Pope prepared us for last week's Gospel reading:

In the gospel for this coming Sunday Jesus counsels: Wherever you enter a house, stay there until you leave. In other words, settle down and don’t go from house to house looking for a better deal or a better meal. Pick a house and stay there, set down roots in the community where you minister, eat what is set before you and develop the deep relationships that are necessary for evangelization and the proclamation of the gospel.

Stability, though difficult to find in our times is very important to cultivate wherever possible and to the extent possible. In particular, the gift to seek is the kind of stability that is content with what God has given and is not always restlessly seeking a more ideal setting. For again, as we have noted: Ultimately there is no escape from oneself, and the idea that things would be better someplace else is usually an illusion.

We may be "a pilgrim people," but that doesn't mean we are to pick up and move every time something is not to our liking.  We are "a pilgrim people," because our ultimate destination is not enjoying the fruits of our 401K and hopping from every person and place to make sure that happens.   

So, whenever possible, let's work toward increasing stability for ourselves, our children, and the other people in our circles.  Here are a few practical ways we can do that:

• Meet your neighbors and introduce yourself to new ones.  Organize a neighborhood association to encourage neighborhood activities, safety watches, and accountability in keeping the neighborhood aesthetically pleasing.  Deliver cookies at Christmas, baskets on May Day, meals to new parents, those grieving, the sick, or the homebound.  Offer to babysit, shovel driveways, rake lawns, or run errands.  Be a neighbor!
• Get involved in your church.  Join a Bible study, group for young parents, etc.
• Visit extended family members as much as possible.  Communicate via snail mail when physical presence is not possible. 
• Make it a point to learn the name of each person you routinely come into contact with, and whenever possible, strike up a conversation that will help you to learn meaningful details about that person.
• Be a stable adult in the life of a child who may not have a stable home.  

Instead of playing the blame game when these tragic acts of violence occur, stop to consider three things:

1. What kind of deep hurt and instability must have occurred in the assailant's life to lead them to this kind of thing?
2. Is there someone in my life who might be hurting enough to do something similar?
3. What specific things can I do to prevent something similar from happening?

The Benedictine monastery with the vows of poverty, chastity, obedience, and stability works.  Stability thrives in a world where we are committed to living and working together toward the common good.  May we strive to adopt this model in the larger world and within our circle of influence.  When we examine the stories like Columbine or the Dark Knight Rises movie massacre, we begin to see how isolated and unstable the assailants' lives were.  When we break the cycle of isolation and instability in the lives of others, we give them a chance at freedom.  We give them a chance to fix the brokenness and to get the help they need.
      

Janie's Sticker Chart Update

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how I was introducing a sticker chart as a tool to encourage good behavior for Janie.  Here's what the original chart looked like:

The gist of the sticker chart is this:  I choose 3 behaviors--2 that Janie is already doing well, and 1 that I want her to work on.  When I observe Janie doing the behavior, I praise her and announce that I am putting a sticker on her chart.  (We put ours on the refrigerator.)  When she asks, I let her put the sticker on the chart.  

This version of catching her being good is working extremely well.  After the first week of completing the chart, I printed off the exact same one.  Dr. Karp, author of The Happiest Toddler on the Block (the book where I got this idea), recommends working on the same skills for two weeks at a time before introducing new skills.  

The skill that I wanted Janie to work on the first two weeks was waiting.  We practiced this skill as much as possible.  If she asked for something, I'd start to do it and say, "Oh!  Mommy almost forgot!  Mommy has to __________.  Wait, please."  Then, I'd do something like use the restroom, empty the trash, put a few dishes into the dishwasher, etc. before giving her something or helping her.  

If I was in the middle of doing something that would take longer to finish before I could give her my attention, I introduced the kitchen timer.  I would say, "Mommy's busy right now.  You need to wait.  When the timer goes 'beep, beep, beep' I can help you."  By the end of the first week, I was setting the timer for 5 minutes, and I have been able to stretch her waiting to much longer.  By the time she hears the "beep, beep, beep" of the timer, she's usually so absorbed with her new activity that she's forgotten about her request.  As tempting as it is to act as though I forgot, I make it a point to show her that the timer has gone off and that I can help her with what she asked for.  This way, she learns that waiting is something that is rewarded--even if it's just praise and she decides that she doesn't want to color anymore after all.

We're on week 4 of the sticker chart, and I've kept "waiting" and "eye drops" on there.  The new skill is "getting into carseat."  

Miss Daredevil Janie has decided that it's funny to try to get into the front seat of the van while I am buckling Walt into his carseat.  She climbs up there, pushing the buttons and giggling because she knows she's not supposed to do that and that it's dangerous.   She knows because as she's doing it, she says, "Janie, no get in front seat!  It's daaaaaaaaaaangerous!"

During week 3, the first week of introducing "getting into carseat" as a skill, she continued to resist.  For whatever reason, two days ago Janie decided that she's on board with getting into her carseat.  When I was putting the kids into the van to go grocery shopping, Janie even said with a big grin, "Look, Mama!  I buckle myself in carseat!  All by myself!"  Since we had been giving her over-the-top praise for getting in her carseat, she wanted me to fall all over myself seeing how she had gone above and beyond, trying to even buckle herself in.  Later in the day, hours after we got home from the grocery store, Janie asked, "Mama, go in carseat again?  You so proud of me?"  

Of course, we'll cut back on the over-the-top praise as each skill becomes a habit, and we'll switch out those skills for new ones on the sticker chart.  Janie relishes nothing more than knowing that Mommy and Daddy are proud of her.  Hearing me tell Daddy about her good (or bad) behavior at the dinner table and how it made me feel has a big effect.  When she sees Philip's reaction to the day's report, she'll chime in with, "I made Mommy so happy!  I got in carseat all by myself!" or, "I hit Walter.  Mommy was sad."  

When I "gossip" about her good behavior to the stuffed animals or pretend to call Grandma on the phone to tell her all about it, she looks like she's going to burst with pride.  If I "gossip" about something bad that she's doing, she almost instantly corrects it.  For example, if Janie starts to act like she's going to jump into the front seat instead of her carseat, I'll say to Walt as I buckle him in, "Walt, I wish Janie got into her big girl carseat like you do.  You are good at getting into your carseat!"  When she hears this, she almost always starts climbing into her carseat on her own.  When she sees my smile and I say, "Wow!  Good choice.  Thank you for getting into your carseat.  When we get home, you can put a sticker on your sticker chart!" she beams.  

So, 4 weeks into the sticker chart, we're still loving it and we're still reaping the rewards.  At the end of each week, I present Janie with a very small surprise (a special treat or something $1 in value or less that I picked up at the store).  I say, "Janie, let's look at your sticker chart.  You did such a good job of getting into your carseat, waiting, and putting in your eyedrops.  Mommy and Daddy are very proud of you.  Since you did such a good job, here is a special surprise."  Then, I present her with the little surprise.  Last week, I gave her a small $.99 spiral-bound Abby (from Sesame Street) notebook.  You'd think it was worth a million dollars!  Once the excitement of the little surprise stops distracting her, I show her the new sticker chart for the week and say, "This week, we are going to work on _______, ________, and _________.  When you _______, ________, or __________, we'll put a sticker on your chart."  Then, I ask her in my best cheerleader voice, "Can you do it?"  She gives me a big, "Yea!" and we put it up on the fridge.
 

Dad's 60th Birthday Present

Dad turned 60 on the Fourth of July.  My five siblings, our spouses, and I wanted to do something really special for him.  After reading this blog post, I decided we could adapt that blogger's idea.  The blogger mailed all of her dad's friends and family members a letter asking them to contribute a nostalgic memory about her dad.  She compiled the letters and stuck them into separate envelopes for her dad to open and read. 

While very cute, I thought this idea would be more tedious than necessary.  The Type-A personality in me instantly thought, "Well, what do you do with all of those letters when they're opened?  Don't you want to contain them?  And, is Dad actually going to open every single envelope and read them at the party?"  Instead, we decided we would collect letters into a scrapbook for Dad to flip through at the party and read through later on his own.

Here's the text of the letter we sent out.  I've omitted certain information for privacy's sake:

Greetings!

If you're receiving this letter, you probably already know that our Dad, __________, is turning 60 this Fourth of July.  To commemorate this milestone birthday, we would like to put together a surprise to let him know that all of his friends and family are thinking of him.  We are going to create a "Sixty Years of Memories" book full of your memories, well wishes, and photographs.

This is where you come in!

If you have a spare moment in the next few days, we would be so grateful if you could please write about a memory you have of our dad.  Please don't labor over this!  Feel free to mention anything you like -- although the more nostalgic the better!  If you struggle to come up with a memory, a simple happy birthday wish would be very much appreciated.

Please keep 3 things in mind:  

1.     Please keep your note on one side of the enclosed paper.  

2.     Don’t forget to sign your full name!

3.     Please submit your letter by June 30^th if you would like your note to be included in the book.

All of the notes will be compiled and placed into a scrapbook.  By following the above instructions, Dad will know who wrote the note and be able to read it without pulling the note out to see the other side.  Feel free to include any photos or mementos to go into the book with your written message.  Younger family members and friends can contribute drawings of Dad if they'd like.  Please ask the young artists to sign their masterpieces, too!    

Please use the stationery (or your own paper, no larger than 8.5” x 11”) and the enclosed envelope to send your written memories, photos, and mementos to:

(My mailing address)

or e-mail them to:

(My e-mail address) 

If you know of anyone who would like to participate, please pass along this information to them, and ask them to also send their letters to Catherine.

Thank you so much for participating.  We know you're all very busy, and we appreciate your taking the time to help make Dad's birthday special.  Shhhhhhhhh!!!  It’s a surprise!

With love and gratitude,

_______'s Children

Before sending out the letters, we had to compile our list of mailing addresses.  Without having access to Dad's electronic address book, some addresses took some serious detective work!  With the help of WhitePages.com and several phone calls, we were able to track down everyone.  I didn't get a single "Return to Sender" letter back!  

Some of you are probably thinking, "That's crazy!  Why don't you just e-mail all of these people and ask them for a response?"  Well, sure, that would have been easy, but there are a few reasons we didn't.  We liked the idea of handwritten notes to add to the nostalgia and character of the book.  We also knew we'd struggle to get e-mail addresses of a lot of these people--many of whom don't e-mail.  Also, experience told us that a group e-mail wouldn't receive as many or responses of high quality.  The added bonus of sending an actual letter was that people would respond with tangible photos and mementos.    

After finding the addresses, we stuffed the envelopes with:

1. The letter explaining our "60 Years of Memories" book
2. Stationery for the person to write their note on
3. Another envelope with my address and the postage paid to increase the likelihood of a response

Here are all of the envelopes before we took them to the post office.

 

The fun began a few days later when I started receiving responses.  For a few weeks, I was receiving as many as six letters a day!  As I received the letters, I spent the kids' naptime mounting the letters, photographs, and other mementos into the scrapbook.  

Unfortunately, I'm a dingaling, and I forgot to get a picture of the finished book before I wrapped it.  Maybe I'll take a few pictures of the book next time I'm at Mom and Dad's house.

Here's the sequence of Dad opening the book and taking it all in at our family party for him.

Opening the present.

The book is about 3 inches thick.  I had to put 5 refill packs of pages in there!  I inserted the letter we sent out on the front page so that Dad could see it, and I explained what the book was.

Still absorbing that he was holding a book full of notes from so many people for him.

We made the man cry!  Success!

Overwhelmed looking at all of the kind notes from his friends and family.

The colorful drawings are from the grandbabies.  The oldest grandchild drew a picture of Dad on the sideline of his soccer game, cheering him on.

Look at that smile!

I sat next to him so that I could point out a few things in the book.  His godmother sent a newspaper clipping of him from the '50s!

A letter from Dad's best friend and pictures from his wedding (when Dad was his best man)

Telling all of us that he "can't believe it" as he got to the last page.

It was so much fun receiving the letters everyday and seeing my Dad through the lenses of his friends and our family.  The contributors to the book identified different memories and things that they loved about Dad.  The letters ranged from sentimental to downright hysterical.  I especially loved reading my mom's 2-page bullet-point list of favorite memories.  Some, she told us, will "remain in code because we're allowed to have some inside jokes."

To all of the contributors--childhood neighbors, classmates, fraternity brothers, coworkers, hunting buddies, lifelong buddies, and family--a VERY big thank you to each and every one of you for taking the time to make Dad's 60th birthday one that he'll never forget!    

The Photographer's Observations

When I was younger, I didn't really understand what was so stressful about a family photo shoot for my parents.  What's the big deal?  We just showed up, smiled, and the photographer got the pictures back to us, right?  

Oh, how naive I was!  There's a lot behind a successful family photo shoot--especially when little ones are involved.  First, there are the individual family members' outfits to consider.  Then, there is the question of scheduling.  Absolutely no scheduling a photo shoot too close to a meal or nap.  Scheduling newborn photo shoots was the most stressful because of my struggles with nursing and having perpetually hungry babies.  Hungry babies are not happy babies at a photo shoot!  Then, you have to make sure that everyone has had a recent haircut so that they're not looking too shaggy.  In the bag, you have to include waters for the little guys, snacks for the little ones that won't stain or leave crumbs all over the place, a brush, a lint roller, and emergency toys that will bring a smile to the little guys' faces.  

Despite all of the planning, something is bound to go wrong.  If a baby hasn't spit up or had a diaper blow out on their outfit, a toddler might refuse to smile, a button on your husband's oxford might be unbuttoned, or your hair might be doing something crazy.  The time and money invested into your one-hour photo shoot puts the pressure on all of you to get that perfect family photo of everyone.  There's something about the pressure cooker environment of a family photo shoot that makes the best of us lose our minds.

When we scheduled our last family photo shoot a few months ago, we went into it wiser having already survived a few shoots together.  To prepare for this shoot, Philip and I promised each other we would do two things:

1. Do anything and everything we could to plan ahead and avoid stressful day-of problems 
• This included things like making a list of what we need to bring, double checking the bag's contents before we left, and doing a quick head to toe check for each family member.
2. Talk about how we are going to handle those inevitable problems ahead of time together  

• Clearly and politely give suggestions if you see a problem.  
• Don't be afraid to communicate problems in front of the photographer. 
• No blaming.  Only problem-solving and helping.   
• Divide and conquer.  With 2 kiddos, it was easy playing man-to-man defense in taking care of the kids.
• Switch jobs and ask for help if you need to switch.  Throughout the shoot, we said we would switch roles of helping to position kids, getting them to smile, fetching toys/snacks/brushes, etc.   
• Take a break if a kid (or adult!) needs it.
• Remember that:
• We're on the same team
• The goal is to capture our family at this moment in time 
• "At this moment in time" we have a 2 and a 1-year-old
• Therefore, tears and meltdowns are likely, and we'll be ready for them  

So, the day for our shoot rolled around.  We arrived on time, we didn't forget anything at home, and the kids were in good moods.  Hooray!

Ten minutes into the shoot, as we were switching the backdrop, the photographer made a few observations that stuck with me.  She thanked me and Philip for "being so nice to each other."  She said that it can be really awkward as a photographer when the shoots get stressful and the family members lose their cool.  We had been to this photographer a few times, so her next remark was a big compliment.  "You've always been so sweet to each other.  I remember that.  It's refreshing, so thanks."  

For a woman who has only been around our family three times for a few hours during stressful family photo shoots to remember how we talk to each other and to feel the need to thank us for it meant a lot to us.  It was a good reminder that how we talk to one another, especially in stressful situations, affects our children and speaks volumes about our marriage to those around us.  If we treat each other well, even in the stressful times, it will encourage others to do the same.  

I recently told a friend that one of the many blessings of having children is that they force your communication skills with your spouse to be fine-tuned.  "There's no time to hold grudges!  You work through your problems faster than ever because you have to, and because your one-on-one time becomes so limited, you work more than you ever have on your communication skills." 

I suppose our photographer's assumption was that if we are patient, forgiving, encouraging, gentle, and helpful with one another in a stressful photo shoot, then we must treat each other equally well during the non-stressful times.  I wish I could say that that's always the case, but Philip and I still have our moments like any couple.  Throw in Philip's work schedule as a resident, my hormones, two children ages 2 and 1, and you have the potential for disaster.   The good news is that we're able to work through any problems faster than ever because our limited time together has forced us to really work on our communication skills.
 
When we got into the minivan after our photoshoot, we thanked the kids for being so good, and Philip gave me a big high five.  "Good job, team!"  Sure, Walt had a big meltdown toward the end and Janie forgot how to smile for most of the pictures, but Philip and I never lost our cool with each other, and we were actually laughing throughout most of the shoot.  It was a far cry from our first family photo shoot with two-week-old Janie and me breaking down in tears once we reached the car.  We talked about our photographer's kind words and what they meant to us.  We made a promise to one another as we pulled away to always do our best to treat one another in a way that makes others want to do the same for their spouses.  

After all, it's not just about us.  Our marriage is to set an example, especially for our children, on how to love one another.  It's not always easy to be gentle, loving, and forgiving.  That's where sacramental grace comes in!  Love is our "duty," as Blessed Pope John Paul II says, and we pray for the sacramental grace to be loving--especially when we don't feel like it.  When you know that your spouse genuinely wants what is best for you and your family, it's much easier to give the benefit of the doubt, forgive them for the things that upset you, ask for forgiveness when you've wronged them, and work through your problems together.   

"Love then is not a utopia: it is given to mankind as a task to be carried out with the help of divine grace. It is entrusted to man and woman, in the Sacrament of Matrimony, as the basic principle of their 'duty,' and it becomes the foundation of their mutual responsibility: first as spouses, then as father and mother. In the celebration of the Sacrament, the spouses give and receive each other, declaring their willingness to welcome children and to educate them. On this hinges human civilization, which cannot be defined as anything other than a 'civilization of love.'"  - Blessed Pope John Paul II, Letter to Families, no. 15.  

 Here are some of the shots from our successful shoot.  

 

Suit Up!

God has this way of not-so-subtly beating me over the head with answers by bringing a person, Bible verse, or event into my life to teach me something.  I don't know about you, but after I heard that the Supreme Court upheld Obamacare, I was needing a little encouragement.  As I was wrapping up my prayer time, my current study (Woman of Grace by Michaelann Martin) took me to Ephesians 6:10-20, "The Whole Armor of God."  Yeah, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally subtle, God. 

Paul, likely writing under house arrest in Rome, wrote these words of encouragement to his followers, urging them to be bold in their evangelization.  If I had the time, I'd create a video to post on YouTube with a James Earl Jones-like voice reading these words and the Chariots of Fire theme song playing in the background.  I don't, so just imagine inspiring music and James Earl Jones telling you to suit up:

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.  Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.  For we are not contending against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.  Therefore take the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.  Stand therefore, having fastened the belt of truth around your waist, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the equipment of the gospel of peace; besides all these, taking the shield of faith, with which you can quench all the flaming darts of the Evil One.  And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  Pray at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication.  To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that utterance may be given me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.  

It's time to suit up.  Put on the armor of God:

• truth
• the breastplate of righteousness
• the shoes of the gospel of peace
• the shield of faith
• the helmet of salvation
• the sword of the Spirit
• constant prayer

Got your armor?  Ok, good!  Join in the Fortnight for Freedom.  

The fourteen days from June 21—the vigil of the Feasts of St. John Fisher and St. Thomas More—to July 4, Independence Day, are dedicated to this “fortnight for freedom”—a great hymn of prayer for our country. Our liturgical calendar celebrates a series of great martyrs who remained faithful in the face of persecution by political power—St. John Fisher and St. Thomas More, St. John the Baptist, SS. Peter and Paul, and the First Martyrs of the Church of Rome.  Culminating on Independence Day, this special period of prayer, study, catechesis, and public action will emphasize both our Christian and American heritage of liberty. Dioceses and parishes around the country have scheduled special events that support a great national campaign of teaching and witness for religious liberty.

If you're looking for a practical way to be a prayer warrior, start your day with a Morning Offering.

O Jesus, through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I offer you my prayers, works, joys, and sufferings of this day in union with the holy sacrifice of the Mass throughout the world. I offer them for all the intentions of your sacred heart: the salvation of souls, reparation for sin, the reunion of all Christians. I offer them for the intentions of our bishops and of all the apostles of prayer, and in particular for those recommended by our Holy Father this month.

The Holy Father's general intention for July 2012 is "Work Security.  That everyone may have work in safe and secure conditions."  (Isn't it ironic that the Holy Father's intention that we all be able to work in "safe and secure conditions" comes at a time that Catholic institutions in this country might be forcibly closed for not complying with the HHS mandate?) 

After you've started your day with the Morning Offering, continue to offer your actions, thoughts, and words to God in prayer throughout the day, whether it be in a moment of sorrow, joy, work, or rest.  Continue in this "little way" like St. Thérèse of Lisieux, prayer warrior of her day.  The Armor of God was enough for her, for St. Thomas More, and all of the other martyrs of the Church.  Trust that the Armor of God will be sufficient for you as well. 

Don't Forget Our Priests on Father's Day!

When you're celebrating fatherhood on Sunday, don't forget to acknowledge the men you call "Father" as well!  Let us married folks and parents not forget that without these fantastic priests, we couldn't have had a nuptial Mass in the Catholic Church to start us on our vocation to marriage. 

Catholic Icing, a website full of Catholic resources to bring the Faith to life for your family, has some fun suggestions on how to acknowledge our priests on Father's Day.


"Cut a strip of black (felt), and glue on a little white square for the collar. Then just wrap it around any present for your priest and attach with some tape!"

Here's a "collar" on a bottle of wine:

If Father doesn't like wine, maybe he'd like some homemade cookies with a felt "collar" around the container.  If he doesn't like cookies, give him a gift certificate to the local Catholic bookstore, pay his green fees at his favorite golf course, purchase him a new liturgical vestment, or enclose a "good for one homecooked meal at our home on the evening of your choosing" gift card.  

Ask the kids to help make a card for Father, and write a heartfelt message thanking him for his life of service for the Church and the gift of his spiritual fatherhood.  

If he's tech savvy and checks his e-mail, send him a Collar-Holler or a Spiritual Bouquet from EncouragePriests.org.  If you've never seen their site before, take some time to check it out.  It's a wonderful initiative from Catholics Come Home to promote vocations and encourage the priests who have taken on the role of spiritual father.  Our priests are under more scrutiny than ever.  They need our support and our prayers.    

If you don't like any of the above ideas, do what these sisters did for this priest:




Happy Father's Day to ALL of the fathers out there--biological, adoptive, and spiritual!

Back to Reality and Janie's Sticker Chart

I've been MIA from the blogging world because I was on vacation.  No, I didn't go anywhere exotic or do anything earth-shattering.  I simply got to spend an entire week with Dr. Phil at home with us!  Hooray!  We got to do all kinds of fun stuff.  We worked on the landscaping in our front yard, and it already looks so much better.  I'll be sure and post pictures once we get everything planted and exactly how we want it.  We made a trip to the local Children's Museum and had a picnic lunch.  We visited a state museum on our alma mater campus and got to meet up with my sister, her kiddos, Philip's mom, and his little sister.  We had two weddings, and Janie loved seeing the "princesses" in their beautiful gowns.  We went with our playgroup to the zoo and had lunch by the seals.  My high school World Religions teacher was in town for a conference, and we were able to have him over for brownie sundaes.  What's cooler than watching one of your heroes color with your daughter at the dining room table?  I can't think of what else we did off the top of my head, but it was a fun whirlwind of a week with plenty of family time.  I'm sad to see it go, but it's nice to be back to my regular routine.  I had let the housework and cooking get away from me (and we know how THAT stresses me out!), so I've had a busy day getting back on track.  

As I mentioned in a previous blog post, I'm currently re-reading "The Happiest Toddler on the Block."  Part of Dr. Karp's strategy for raising a happy toddler is spotlighting the good that they're doing.  One strategy is creating what he calls a "star chart."  You pick three behaviors to focus on (two that the toddler is already doing and one to work on).  Then, sit down when they're calm and explain that they're doing a great job at the two things and say you'd like to help them work on the third.  Let the toddler know that they'll get a star each time they do any of the three things.  Draw out the chart, allow the child to decorate it and pick out the stickers to make it their chart.  Display the chart where everyone can see it, gossip about their success, give bonus stars for extra cooperation, get your child's input for special rewards for every ten stars.  Redo the chart every few weeks and add new behaviors.

Since praise is very effective with Jane, I decided to create "Janie's Sticker Chart."  The two things that she does well already are sharing with Walt and waiting.  The third thing that we're going to work on is allowing Mom and Dad to put in her eye drops everyday.  (Unfortunately, Jane inherited her mom's "lazy eye."  It might be a cool party trick when you can control it like I can, but Jane can't, and she needs these drops to blur the vision in her strong eye and strengthen the muscles in her "lazy" eye.)  

We made the sticker chart this morning together while Walt took his morning nap.  Janie helped me pick out the images online for the different tasks, and we drew up a chart on Microsoft Word.  She retrieved it from the printer and helped me to put it on the refrigerator.  She is sooooooo excited about her chart, and she gets a big thrill out of putting her selected Sesame Street stickers up for her achievements.  It's pretty darn cute watching her puff out her chest and point at her accumulated stars for waiting, sharing, and putting in eye drops.  

Here's the chart:

Hopefully the sticker chart continues to be a smashing success, and we'll be able to go out for ice cream as a family when Janie gets 10 stars.  C'mon, Janie!  Mama loves ice cream as much as you do!